This came to me sitting in the awning on holiday chatting to my partner about food (beer in his case), stress and feelings....
This was me, dumming down my feelings with sweet, sugary food. I have always done it, as a child, as a teenager and then into adulthood, sugar was my friend and always made me feel better for a while BUT what I now realise is while it anaesthetised me from the first 'bad' feeling it only led to other 'bad' feelings later on such as shame and guilt and so I went around and around... so all in all it didn't get me very far.
When I gave up sugar facing the emotional demons were my biggest challenge. What was I going to do now when I felt bad, sad, ugly, fat, stupid, unlovable, inadequate and vulnerable... basically there was nowhere to hide anymore, I had to be with them and face them out. To start with this felt excruciating uncomfortable and painful and to keep doing it took some will-power but as time went on here's what I learnt...
- If I sat with the feeling it got bigger to begin with but then the energy diminished quite quickly afterwards and I felt relief and triumph.
- That actually it was ONLY a feeling and I could choose not to engage with it right then, it was my thoughts and feelings and my choice... very empowering.
- That the bad feelings I felt were trackways that led back into older experiences which could now be looked at and healed because I now knew they were there. This has been so liberating and why I am now using Kinesiology muscle testing in my nutrition work with people (and will do so more and more when I get my next level of qualification hopefully very soon)
- That I am so much more than my feelings, they don't define me or have power over me anymore.
I now admire and respect my body and being for how hard it has worked to protect me from pain in the past but it can 'stand down' now, as I know a healthier way to deal with uncomfortable feelings.
I am a work in progress, food still 'calls' me when I have a down day and I'm still working on the healing, learning and growing... for the rest of my life.
I can't say that I will never use food to dampen my feelings again, who knows what is around the corner but perhaps if I do it will be a more conscious choice rather than a hidden pattern.
Does this resonate with anyone here? ... would love to hear your stories..